Peter (Joe) Davies 2
Continuing Joe’s Club Yarns from the 60’s early 70’s.
Ex public school; posh accent and claimed to have propped for Middlesex Schools. Grossly unfit and struggled to keep up with play. Referee awards scrum – no prop, Farrell getting to his feet 50 yards away – tries to hurry – unseen cow pat – sharp cracking and Farrell on ground again. When we picked him up he appeared to have two knees on the same leg. Doc Wraith came on, waggled the loose end of the limb around producing crunching sounds from the leg and un-Public School noises from Farrell – 6 weeks bull strutting in plaster, then left the club.
Joe Davis Stag Night
Midnight – we are given a barrel of beer, gas cylinder and mugs as an incentive to leave the clubhouse, as the behaviour had become rather boisterous. Down to the dam – John ‘Marra’ Warburton carrying the gas cylinder with faulty valve, fell frequently (he always did), and kept disappearing in a cloud of mist as the cylinder struck the ground. Set up the gear, had more booze, a swim – then ran out of ideas.
“Let’s climb the church tower and ring the bells,” says some wag.
Off we go. Reach the pitched roof without mishap. Litherland slips but grabs gutter – gutter comes away but downpipe remains intact. All return to ground.
“Perhaps the door is open,” says a genius.
All into porch – door locked – BUT sleeping tramp reeking of meths. Lighter held to Billy Litherland’s bearded countenance – tramp shaken awake.
“I am the Lord thy God,” says Billy.
Tramp changes into brown trousers.
“We’ve got a barrel of beer, come and have some.”
“No, you’ll throw me in the lake.”
Two hours later, the tramp was too pissed to stand, so we carried him back to the porch and covered in wreaths. I wonder what the early morning worshippers thought next day.
Down In One
On the beam – it might still be that ‘birthday boys’ are put on the main beam across the clubroom, to down pints in one. It was the custom to down one on your 18th, two on your 19th and so on to 21.
Ecko (John Eckersley) was 20 on the occasion I recall. After a skinful during the evening, up he got. Three pints were lined up beside him – the chanting began.
Down went No1 – a bit of retching and that doubtful look – halfway down No2, he calls for the bucket – down went the rest of No2,
More retching and up comes No1 and 2 into the bucket along with false tooth on plate.
Plate recovered smartly from bucket and rinsed in No3, replaced and then down went No3.
PC and a Wizard Night Out – Halloween 1968
Halloween Fancy Dress Dance at the club is followed by a party somewhere near the Cantilever Bridge.
1.00am, PC (Peter Cornelia) fully dressed and made up as Merlin the Wizard, leaves club with supply of Newcastle Browns and sets off in his new Hillman Imp.
On Knutsford Rd, Grappenhall, he decides to put his foot down and overtakes 3 cars. Unfortunately one is a police car.
With police in hot pursuit, he heads up Ackers Rd and turns left into Hilltop Rd and hoping to shake them off with lights out, along Balmoral Rd, parking in front of the Ribblesdale Hotel.
Police panda car not fooled and pulls in behind him.
PC, our resplendent wizard, with pointed hat, long grey beard matted with Youngers’ bitter and feather duster as a wand emerges from car.
Police Officer, ‘and who do you think you are?’
‘Merlin the Wizard and I’ll grant you 3 wishes’ replies PC ‘but if you don’t behave yourself, I’ll turn you into a frog.’
‘Really’ replied the officer, ‘if you don’t pass this breathalyser, I’ll turn you into a police station’
PC drained Balmoral Rd of all available oxygen before blowing into the bag and passing breathalyser test. Attended party and passed same police car on way home at 7.00am in morning and waves wand. Police officer never seen again.
14th July 2019VIEW >