Lymm Scrummager

Introduction

The Lymm Scrummager is laid out in newspaper column style for members Past & Present, or even guest contributors, to feature any photos, memories and anecdotes from their days at Lymm Rugby Club.

It is not a forum, the idea is to encourage people to share their stories and entertain us all.

We would love to hear from you even if it’s just a simple message of greeting.

Messages by email to Peter Cornelia at the following email address petercornelia46@gmail.com who will edit and post them onto the website.

17th July 2019VIEW >

Ron Bell

Sometime in the 60’s

I remember playing for the 2nd team at Thornton Cleveleys and got left behind by the coach in Blackpool.  My ‘Team Mates’ reckoned that they only realised someone was missing, when they took a collection for the driver.

I turned up at the club the next day, looking for my kit and a Sunday game was in progress. Everybody stopped playing and all clapped, ‘Had a nice time Ron’ and ‘Where’s me stick of rock?’ I think on the day Eric Carter was the captain.

16th July 2019VIEW >

John Fairs

IoM Tour around 1965

When I was on tour to the I.O.M circa 1965, I shared a room with Dave Berry and a hairy arsed prop.

One night I returned to the room before the others and having had a few too many light ales I collapsed on my bed. I then had the whirling pits followed by throwing up before I could leave the bed. I left the bed and slept in one of the others.

When my room mates crashed in later I feigned sleep. In the morning I asked them how their night was and was told by the said HAP that it was brilliant – so good that he’d thrown up in bed and hadn’t even realised it.

I never did confess.

15th July 2019VIEW >

Peter (Joe) Davies

We have had many great raconteurs at the club over the years but Joe was probably the daddy of them all.

Club Yarns from the 60’s early 70’s.

In The Swim

Early 60’s, Mid-January mid-week in the bar at the club. Ian Pitchford announced that water is warmer in winter than summer and large bets were laid that he could not swim the Dam. We all assembled on the promenade at the road end with headlights for illumination. Pitchford strips off, climbs the railings and dives into 4 inches of water covering12 inches of ice – a dramatic landing. Altrincham Hospital casualty for stitches in head and then return to the club. Refusal to pay wagers as he did not swim but slid and anyway he had no memory of the event.

In at the Deep End

Large swimming party leaves club after closing and heads for the dam. Everyone naked and in the water with much noise. Police arrive with instant daylight illumination kit and get between us and clothes – ordered out and told to line up. Much embarrassment, Claire B has a lot to hide but only small hands. Eventual release after the sergeant was awarded a prize of two bottles of brown ale, (confiscated from amongst our clothing).

Doug and the Doc

Doug Wraith, son of Doc, self-appointed VIP and dentist. Davies carried off during game with pain in guts. Doug diagnoses ruptured appendix and suggests a visit to his father for a second opinion. On arrival at the surgery, Doc appears on crutches – fell over on table at club annual dinner when he put his foot in a bowl of soup, whilst walking along the top to get to the gents. After several large scotches we were both suitably anaesthetised and returned to club in the Rolls Royce for further treatment.

14th July 2019VIEW >

Peter (Joe) Davies 2

Continuing Joe’s Club Yarns from the 60’s early 70’s.

Martin Farrell

Ex public school; posh accent and claimed to have propped for Middlesex Schools. Grossly unfit and struggled to keep up with play. Referee awards scrum – no prop, Farrell getting to his feet 50 yards away – tries to hurry – unseen cow pat – sharp cracking and Farrell on ground again. When we picked him up he appeared to have two knees on the same leg. Doc Wraith came on, waggled the loose end of the limb around producing crunching sounds from the leg and un-Public School noises from Farrell – 6 weeks bull strutting in plaster, then left the club.

Joe Davis Stag Night

Midnight – we are given a barrel of beer, gas cylinder and mugs as an incentive to leave the clubhouse, as the behaviour had become rather boisterous. Down to the dam – John ‘Marra’ Warburton carrying the gas cylinder with faulty valve, fell frequently (he always did), and kept disappearing in a cloud of mist as the cylinder struck the ground. Set up the gear, had more booze, a swim – then ran out of ideas.

“Let’s climb the church tower and ring the bells,” says some wag.

Off we go. Reach the pitched roof without mishap. Litherland slips but grabs gutter – gutter comes away but downpipe remains intact. All return to ground.

“Perhaps the door is open,” says a genius.

All into porch – door locked – BUT sleeping tramp reeking of meths. Lighter held to Billy Litherland’s bearded countenance – tramp shaken awake.

“I am the Lord thy God,” says Billy.

Tramp changes into brown trousers.

“We’ve got a barrel of beer, come and have some.”

“No, you’ll throw me in the lake.”

Two hours later, the tramp was too pissed to stand, so we carried him back to the porch and covered in wreaths. I wonder what the early morning worshippers thought next day.

Down In One

On the beam – it might still be that ‘birthday boys’ are put on the main beam across the clubroom, to down pints in one. It was the custom to down one on your 18th, two on your 19th and so on to 21.

Ecko (John Eckersley) was 20 on the occasion I recall. After a skinful during the evening, up he got. Three pints were lined up beside him – the chanting began.

Down went No1 – a bit of retching and that doubtful look – halfway down No2, he calls for the bucket – down went the rest of No2,

More retching and up comes No1 and 2 into the bucket along with false tooth on plate.

Plate recovered smartly from bucket and rinsed in No3, replaced and then down went No3.

PC and a Wizard Night Out – Halloween 1968

Halloween Fancy Dress Dance at the club is followed by a party somewhere near the Cantilever Bridge.

1.00am, PC (Peter Cornelia) fully dressed and made up as Merlin the Wizard, leaves club with supply of Newcastle Browns and sets off in his new Hillman Imp.

On Knutsford Rd, Grappenhall, he decides to put his foot down and overtakes 3 cars. Unfortunately one is a police car.

With police in hot pursuit, he heads up Ackers Rd and turns left into Hilltop Rd and hoping to shake them off with lights out, along Balmoral Rd, parking in front of the Ribblesdale Hotel.

Police panda car not fooled and pulls in behind him.

PC, our resplendent wizard, with pointed hat, long grey beard matted with Youngers’ bitter and feather duster as a wand emerges from car.

Police Officer, ‘and who do you think you are?’

‘Merlin the Wizard and I’ll grant you 3 wishes’ replies PC ‘but if you don’t behave yourself, I’ll turn you into a frog.’

‘Really’ replied the officer, ‘if you don’t pass this breathalyser, I’ll turn you into a police station’

PC drained Balmoral Rd of all available oxygen before blowing into the bag and passing breathalyser test. Attended party and passed same police car on way home at 7.00am in morning and waves wand. Police officer never seen again.

14th July 2019VIEW >

ANONYMOUS 1970/71

Sleeping Policemen not welcome

A mid-week match away against Padgate Training College was followed by an aggressive game of ‘Clapperty Clap’ in the students bar. Afterwards, following an unproductive visit to the lady student’s hostel, our inebriated hero found himself asleep in his car in the car park. Around 1am in the morning he was awoken by a night porter, who knocked on his window and said that he must leave the college grounds. Feeling rather frail, he set off down the college drive towards the main gate. A number of ‘sleeping policemen’ en route, didn’t improve his condition and he had to stop just before the gate, to be sick out of the car door.

Thinking all would now be OK he drove out onto the road but was hit by another sudden call to ‘Hughie’ and honked up all over his inside windscreen, with the car now in motion he couldn’t see anything, so what did he do? He switched on his windscreen wipers!!!!! “Blast the bl**dy wipers aren’t working” he exclaimed.

Post Script: About a week later, whilst out driving on a first date with lovely young lady, he had great hopes for, she mentioned that it was quite warm in the car and was in need of some cool air. “No problem” he replied, “I’ll switch on my air conditioning”. This amounted to two swivel air vents on the dashboard of his company Ford Escort Mk 1, with the temperature set to cold and the fan on boost. NOT A GOOD IDEA, as loud clicking and rattling sounds emerged from the vents.

“What’s that noise?” she asked, as a selection of dried peas and diced carrots shot out of the vents, hit the rear window and were bouncing around the car and into her hair.

“It must be a faulty bearing in the fan motor” he replied, whilst ducking to avoid being hit by a variety of Heinz 57 missiles. Surprisingly, I believe that was the first and last date with this young lady.

8th July 2019VIEW >

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